SOME OF THE BIGGEST VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ARE THE SMALLEST!
This is a reprint of an article in the October 30th edition of the Fairmont Photo Press by Evie Anderson of Evie’s Essentials LLC. Evie is a regular columnist on promoting a healthy lifestyle. As a victim herself, in this column she addresses a deep and personal side of the domestic violence issue in a way that anyone can learn and be uplifted.
As I began preparing my notes for an upcoming speaking engagement about EMOTIONAL HEALTH, I began looking to choose a topic of focus for my presentation; since the subject of emotional health has such a wide spectrum.
The subject of emotional health is a subject that has become a passion of mine due to my lifelong struggle with my own emotional health; much of which I can attribute to abuse, both in my childhood and adult life. Even though my abuse occurred many years ago, it took me decades to understand how to be “whole again”, to resolve my “stuffed emotions” and to rebuild.
As strong as I felt I had become, the recent uncovering of the unprosecuted Domestic Violence cases in our community, as well as the heart wrenching stories of the victims coming forward, shook me to the core. Watching this unfold has caused me anxious moments, has given me reoccurring nightmares and has caused me to shed tears that I don’t have to spare.
As a result, I’m having to work on addressing and healing those feelings. I am thankful for the knowledge I have gained through my research and the help of my Essential Oils. I can only imagine what the victims themselves are experiencing and I pray for them daily.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, I therefore felt obligated to do my part to bring awareness that this crime is… MUCH more prevalent than people realize… MUCH more damaging than people may think… MUCH more secretive than it should be… MUCH more of a serious social problem than we would like to admit…often unreported… and IT IS NOT OK.
I can personally relate to the victims and would like nothing more than to speak out for them; but was compelled to dedicate this forum to the children of domestic violence. I want to help my readers understand the long-term effects of these children’s experiences and show how it impacts the very community in which we live.
The dynamics of abuse is so far-reaching, and the numbers are staggering. Did you know that studies show that 3–4 million children between the ages of 3–17 are at risk of exposure to Domestic Violence each year? US government statistics say that 95% of Domestic Violence cases involve women victims of male partners and the children of these women witness 68–80% of these assaults. In 15 states, more than 40% of all homicides of women in each state involved intimate partner violence. 28% of families were homeless because of domestic violence; in addition to fear, this being the very reason women stay in an abusive relationship, simply to keep a roof over their children’s heads and food on the table.
The psychological aftermath of exposure to Domestic Violence can include fear of harm or abandonment, excessive worry or sadness, guilt, inability to experience empathy, habitual lying, low frustration tolerance, emotional distancing, poor judgment, shame and fear about the future.
As young children they are more prevalent to bed-wetting, thumb sucking, increased crying and whining. They may develop difficulty falling or staying asleep, show signs of terror such as stuttering or hiding and show signs of severe separation anxiety.
As they become school aged, they may not participate in school activities or get good grades, have fewer friends than others and get into trouble more often. They also may have a lot of headaches and stomachaches. As they become teens, they may act out in negative ways such as fighting with family members or skipping school. They may also engage in risky behaviors, have low self-esteem and have trouble making friends. They may start fights or bully others and are more likely to get into trouble with the law.
What is also quite troubling, is that children who witness domestic violence often exhibit adult domestic violence, with boys often becoming offenders, victims, or both and girls more likely becoming victims. For example, a boy who sees his mother being abused, is 10 times more likely to abuse his female partner as an adult. A girl who grows up in a home where her father abuses her mother is more than six times as likely to be sexually abused as a girl who grows up in a non-abusive home.
Children who witness or are victims of emotional, physical or sexual abuse are also at higher risk for health problems as adults. These can include mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety and poor self-esteem and physical conditions that may include diabetes, obesity, heart disease, and other problems.
What frustrates me is that the very behaviors that these children exhibit, as a direct result of witnessing or experiencing abuse, cause them to be further punished, ostracized and shamed. Just one example: It’s a fact that fear weakens the kidneys; and when a child experiences fear and wets the bed, he is generally punished, shamed, not invited to birthday parties, cannot have sleepovers, experiences hygiene issues and becomes a target for bullies….all because of an environment he or she had nothing to do with creating. When we stop burdening children with adult issues, they can be children again…happy children. We cannot forget the little ones; “some of the biggest victims of domestic violence are the smallest”. When we shine the light on the children and help them with coping skills, the mothers will also begin to flourish, heal and rebuild.
I cannot even begin to verbalize the disappointment and the anger I have for the handful of misguided citizens of our Fairmont community who have shown ZERO empathy for the victims of domestic abuse in our community. It saddens me that they do not recognize that these victims were further victimized by the very legal system that was established to protect them.
These people have even openly blamed and criticized the victims, while at the same time have gone to great lengths to protect and make excuses for the very people who have undeniably done wrong and who have inflicted serious damage on the victims and the community itself.
As a member of this community, I am saddened and appalled as I watch their bad behavior to include their horrible treatment of the very people who are working hard to see these injustices uncovered. All I can say is SHAME ON YOU…SHAME ON YOU! My hope is that this article will prompt people to do more research into the fallout of Domestic Abuse and for them to become part of the solution.
I want everyone to know that this is not just a family problem, this is a community problem. Abuse of any kind is something that our community needs to shine a light on; not something we try to minimize or worse yet, keep in the dark. If our community is to truly heal, this is one of the issues that needs to be addressed. Victims of abuse of any kind need our help; without help and the ability to trust that the perpetrators will be held accountable, victims will often not report the abuse and their lives will be a living hell. These victims will not have the tools or emotional stability to perform on the job or to provide a stable home. The children’s trauma will be manifested in our daycares, our schools and our community. When we protect the victims who cannot protect themselves, everyone wins…the victims, the children, the community and even people like me who feel the hurt all over again when we hear of others who are hurting.
I spoke to a Victim Advocate recently and she said, “hurt people, hurt people…healed people, heal people. I am one of people who is “almost” healed and work very hard to help others to become whole again.
If you or your organization is interested in hosting a informational class or round-table on Emotions, Feelings, Moods and Stress, please contact me. In the meantime, watch for more great information on emotional health in upcoming issues…until then!
